Being Intentional With Your Words

Teaching lesson

She noticed that he had taken care of something she usually had to remember. For a moment, she thought about thanking him. Then another task caught her attention, and the words remained unspoken.

Later, when something went wrong, her response came quickly. He heard the correction, but he never heard the appreciation she had felt earlier.

It is worth considering which of our thoughts most often become words at home.

In Ephesians, Paul describes speech that builds others up and brings grace to those who hear it. His instruction asks us to consider the effect of our words, as part of the new life we have in Christ.

In marriage, this means paying attention to what we say, how we say it and what we leave unsaid.

Your spouse may be doing things you have come to expect. They may be making an effort that looks small from the outside but costs them something. Naming what you notice can help them feel seen: 'Thank you for remembering. That made my morning easier.'

Specific appreciation is easier to receive than praise offered simply to get a certain response. Let your words be sincere, without attaching a request or a criticism to the end.

There will still be concerns to discuss. Words that build up can carry difficult truth. 'I felt overlooked when the plans changed without us talking' gives your spouse something clear to understand. A sweeping statement about what they always do can close the conversation before it begins.

Before speaking, pause long enough to consider the person who will hear you. Is your tone helping them understand your heart? Are you speaking to resolve the issue, or to release your frustration?

If your words have already hurt, begin with a clear apology. You can take responsibility and try again.

Today, allow one kind thought to become spoken encouragement. Your spouse should have the opportunity to hear the good you see in them.