When “We’re Fine” Is Not True
Rules of Resilience
Day 13 of 21 · Friday 26 June 2026
Scripture reading
“Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.”
Ephesians 4:25, KJV
Teaching lesson
They had begun practising healthier communication, but there was still one conversation they avoided.
Whenever the subject came close, one of them changed the topic. The other quietly decided it was not the right time. They told themselves they were protecting the peace, but the unresolved concern remained beneath the surface.
Outwardly, everything appeared fine. Inside the marriage, both knew something needed attention.
Sometimes couples pretend because the truth feels frightening. Naming a problem makes it real, and once it is spoken, something may have to change. Silence can feel easier than facing disappointment, conflict, or the possibility that the conversation may not go as planned.
But what remains hidden rarely disappears on its own. Unspoken hurt can slowly become resentment. Avoided conversations can create emotional distance. A concern that might have been addressed gently today may become much harder to manage later.
Honesty is not the enemy of peace. Healthy honesty helps create the kind of peace that is built on truth rather than avoidance.
Speaking the truth does not mean carelessly releasing every thought or confronting your spouse in anger. Honesty should be guided by love, wisdom, timing, and respect. The goal is not to wound one another with the truth, but to bring what is hurting the marriage into the light so that healing can begin.
Sometimes the first honest sentence may simply be, “Something has been weighing on me, and I do not want it to create distance between us.”
That sentence does not solve everything. But it opens the door.
A strong marriage is not one in which nothing is ever wrong. It is one in which both spouses are gradually learning that difficult truths can be shared without destroying the relationship.
You do not have to pretend to protect your marriage. With God’s help, you can tell the truth gently and allow grace to meet you there.
Together
Your challenge
Create space for one honest conversation you have been postponing.
Choose a calm time when neither of you is rushed or emotionally overwhelmed. Begin with:
"There is something I have not fully shared, and I want to speak about it because our marriage matters to me."
Speak from your own experience rather than accusing your spouse. Use phrases such as “I have been feeling…” or “I need us to talk about…”
The goal is not to resolve everything immediately. It is to begin telling the truth with love.
If the concern involves abuse, threats, coercion, or personal safety, seek trusted professional support rather than attempting to manage it alone.
On your own
To reflect on
- What have I been avoiding or pretending is fine because I am afraid of what an honest conversation may require?
Prayer focus
“Lord, forgive us for the times we have called avoidance peace. We have sometimes hidden our concerns, minimised our hurt, or remained silent because honesty felt too uncomfortable. Give us the courage to speak truth with love. Help us choose the right words, the right time, and the right spirit. Teach us to listen without dismissing each other and to respond without cruelty or defensiveness. Bring into the light whatever needs Your healing. May honesty become a doorway to greater trust, understanding, and closeness between us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
With love and prayer,Sharlene
Vividly in Love offers encouragement and practical tools, not counselling. If your marriage is in a season that needs professional support, Sharlene’s counselling practice, Vivid Resolutions, works with adults and couples across the Caribbean.
This is not a crisis service. Emergency contacts vary across the Caribbean. If there is immediate danger, contact your local police or ambulance service. In Trinidad and Tobago: Police 999, Ambulance 811, or 800-COPE (2673) for a mental-health crisis.