Making Room for Honest Openness

Teaching lesson

She had said that the arrangement was fine. Yet each time it came up, she grew quieter. When he eventually asked what was troubling her, she admitted that she had agreed because she did not want another difficult conversation.

There was more to understand than the answer he had first received.

Honest openness gives our spouse an opportunity to know what is actually happening within us. It also asks us to become thoughtful listeners when the truth is different from what we hoped to hear.

Paul calls believers to put away falsehood and speak truth because they belong to one another. Truth matters within relationships. What we conceal or misrepresent can affect someone who is trying to build a shared life with us.

In marriage, making room for honesty begins with the way we invite and receive it.

An honest answer may include disappointment, uncertainty or a request to reconsider something. We can listen without treating every concern as rejection. Our spouse needs to know that a different view can be spoken and taken seriously.

If you have hidden your feelings behind an automatic agreement, begin with something you can express clearly. You might say, 'I agreed too quickly. I would like us to talk about what this will involve.' Take responsibility for clarifying your meaning.

If you are listening, resist preparing your defence while your spouse is speaking. Ask a question that helps you understand. You can consider your own response after you have heard theirs.

Openness does not require sharing every private thought or having every conversation immediately. Choose a suitable time, and respect each other's readiness. What matters is making honest discussion possible without pressure or punishment.

As this second week begins, invite God into a conversation you have been avoiding. Ask Him for courage to speak plainly and grace to receive an answer with care. A truthful conversation can become one small step towards knowing each other more fully.