Listening With Your Full Attention

Teaching lesson

She had barely begun explaining what happened when he offered a solution. He meant to help. But as he continued telling her what she could do, she grew quieter. The problem mattered, but what she needed first was someone to understand why it had hurt.

Many of us listen with an answer already forming.

We recognise part of the story and assume we know the rest. Sometimes we defend ourselves before our spouse has finished. At other times, we offer reassurance so quickly that there is little room for them to explain what they are carrying.

James calls believers to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. In the surrounding passage, he connects this humility with receiving God's word. His instruction also challenges the hurried way we can respond to one another.

Listening well requires us to slow down enough to receive what is actually being said.

In marriage, this may mean putting down the phone, turning towards your spouse and allowing a pause without filling it. It may mean asking, 'What was the hardest part for you?' before suggesting what should happen next.

You can check your understanding gently: 'It sounds as though you felt left out. Have I understood?' Your spouse may clarify something you missed. Let that correction help you listen more closely.

Understanding someone's feelings does not require agreement with every conclusion. You can hear them with care and still discuss a different perspective afterwards.

If you are too tired or distracted to listen properly, say so kindly and agree on a time to return. Then keep that appointment. Avoid leaving an important conversation indefinitely unfinished.

As this first week closes, consider what your spouse has shared through the daily challenges. What have you learnt about the way they receive love?

Today, give them room to tell you more. Ask God to quiet your urge to respond and help you listen until you understand.