Saying What You Admire

Teaching lesson

He said, "You know I appreciate you."

She believed him, but she could not remember the last time he had explained what he appreciated.

In another marriage, the wife often thought warmly about her husband. Yet when she spoke, the conversation usually centred on responsibilities, corrections, or what still needed attention.

Good thoughts were present.

Encouraging words were scarce.

Paul urged believers to comfort and edify one another. To edify is to build up. Words can strengthen another person's courage, reinforce what is good, and help them recognise the grace God is developing within them.

Your spouse cannot consistently receive admiration that remains only in your thoughts.

Say what you see.

Instead of only saying, "You are wonderful," name the quality: "I admire the patience you showed with our child today." Instead of a general thank-you, say, "Your dependability gives me confidence that we can face difficult things together."

Specific words carry weight because they reveal attention.

They tell your spouse, "I am still observing your character, not only your mistakes."

Some people struggle to express admiration because it was rarely spoken in their childhood home. Others fear that praise will make a spouse proud or excuse an area that needs growth.

But healthy admiration is not denial.

You can appreciate generosity and still discuss overspending. You can admire perseverance and still address a pattern of emotional withdrawal. One truthful conversation does not cancel another.

Do not attach correction to every compliment. Let some words stand as gifts without a hidden request or an immediate "but."

A spouse who regularly hears sincere admiration is not being placed above accountability.

They are being reminded that growth, contribution, and character are visible.

Use your words to build the person with whom you are building a life.