Letting Go of Trying to Change My Spouse & Putting God First
Letting Go
Day 7 of 7 · Friday 20 March 2026
Scripture reading
“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.”
Matthew 7:3-5, KJV
“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:12, KJV
Teaching lesson
One of the most important lessons Joshua and I had to learn in our marriage was to stop trying to change each other and allow God to do His work in each of us.
In the early years, we both had expectations of what the other should be. Joshua wanted me to get up before 5am (lol), and I expected Joshua to automatically know what to do as a husband.
Those expectations often led to frustration.
We eventually came to a simple but powerful realisation: the only person we can truly change is ourselves.
Trying to fix each other only created pressure, but surrendering ourselves to God created space for real growth.
As we began focusing more on our own personal growth, something shifted in our marriage. Instead of criticising, we started becoming more supportive. Instead of expecting perfection, we learned to extend grace.
One of the habits that helped us the most was committing to both personal devotion and marriage devotion. These moments kept God at the centre of our relationship and allowed Him to shape our hearts individually and together.
We have learned that when God is at the centre, change happens naturally, not through force, but through transformation.
A strong marriage is not built by trying to fix your spouse. It is built when both individuals allow God to work within them.
When each person grows, the marriage grows.
And when God is at the centre, the foundation becomes unshakeable.
Together
Your challenge
Encourage your spouse in one area of growth instead of correcting them.
Pray together and ask God to work in each of your hearts individually.
On your own
To reflect on
- Am I trying to change my spouse instead of focusing on my own growth?
- Have I allowed God to work in my heart first?
- What is one area where I need to surrender to God today?
Prayer focus
“Lord, help us to release the desire to change each other.Teach us to focus on our own growth and to trust You to work in our hearts.Keep You at the centre of our marriage and continue to shape us into who You have called us to be.In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
With love and prayer,Sharlene
Vividly in Love offers encouragement and practical tools, not counselling. If your marriage is in a season that needs professional support, Sharlene’s counselling practice, Vivid Resolutions, works with adults and couples across the Caribbean.
This is not a crisis service. Emergency contacts vary across the Caribbean. If there is immediate danger, contact your local police or ambulance service. In Trinidad and Tobago: Police 999, Ambulance 811, or 800-COPE (2673) for a mental-health crisis.