Choosing What Strengthens Our Connection

Teaching lesson

Their conversation had begun with a simple difference of opinion. Soon they were bringing up older examples and defending positions that mattered less than the tension growing between them. Neither wanted an argument, yet both kept adding to it.

Sometimes we need to pause and consider where our next response is taking us.

Paul encourages believers in Romans to pursue what makes for peace and builds others up. He is addressing disagreements within the church about matters of conscience. His concern is that believers treat one another with care rather than allowing their differences to become destructive.

That concern gives us a helpful question for marriage: 'Will what I am about to do help us understand each other?'

There are responses that make connection harder. Sarcasm may briefly relieve frustration while leaving your spouse feeling belittled. Bringing an unrelated complaint into the discussion can make the original concern more difficult to resolve.

Other responses create room for understanding. You can ask a sincere question, acknowledge a valid point or suggest that you return to the one issue you were trying to discuss.

Choosing peace does not mean agreeing to everything or hiding a concern. Honest disagreement can be part of a strong marriage when both people are treated with dignity.

You might say, 'I see this differently, but I want us to work through it together.' Those words leave room for your perspective and communicate that your spouse is still someone you care about.

This principle also applies outside difficult conversations. Consider how you speak about your spouse in company, whether you include them in decisions and how you respond when they share something that matters to them.

You cannot choose your spouse's response. You can take responsibility for the contribution you make.

Today, ask God to help you recognise one response that tends to increase distance. Choose a more constructive action in its place. Let your desire for connection become visible in the way you handle a real moment together.